Trying to digest what had happened to me, 14 months after!

Today, October 18th. It has been 14 months and fifteen days since I got here. And while I was running, I realized that my oldest daughter’s birthday is coming in 7 days. This is going to be her second birthday without me.

I asked myself how I have been able to keep going without seen her beautiful face everyday. How could it is possible that I am still alive and haven’t die of sadness when everything hurts, even to wake up in the morning

I think that everybody deals with pain differently and the way I have been dealing with my pain is by denying that this truly happened to me.

I haven’t really digest what had happened to me. I know I should have by now. Often I wake up thinking this did not happened, that I am just having a nightmare and that soon I will wake up and all this will be over.

I Know that I have to really have to start accepting this, until then I will not be able to move on and build a life in here. But the idea of building a life here without my daughter scares me. I have asked her many times to move here with me. I need her here with me. I know she soon will be 18 but she needs me. We were very attached and I know it’s selfish on my part to ask her to leave her life there and move to a third world Country where I know first- hand she won’t have the same opportunities she has in the US, But to be honest I care more now about her mental health than anything else, even her carrier. I really need her and she needs me.

Many readers and people that watched the documentary, have been asking if my husband and I are still together. Yes, we are still together. It wasn’t easy. I had to let go a lot hard feelings. Like I mentioned in the documentary. I had to put aside the fact that he voted for the current President not knowing that he was going to deport good people. It wasn’t easy, there was a point where I felt we were done. But he is a human and humans make mistakes and I have seen how much he is suffering because his family was torn a part. I know he has paid for making that bad decision. This is a subject that really hurts but what I can share with you is that he won’t vote for the current President and he is doing everything possible for me to go back including going lobbying next year to Washington, DC.

As always thank you for reading my blog and don’t forget to check my YouTube Channel!

Author: Alejandra Juarez

Wife of combat veteran deported to Mexico on August 3, 2018, with no criminal record after 22 years in the U.S., marriage, and children. Starting over. This is my story of hope after deportation. I hope by hearing my story as I'm healing and starting over, if you are going through something similar, you can know that just because you're being deported, your life is not over.

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