No more asking why me!

Once again, I had a hard time finding what was I going to write about. So many things have happened to me over the last weeks,  some good and lots of bad.

  I realized that I had to let go of my pain and the grouches I can’t keep holding onto something that I can’t change right now. It is very damaging for me and my little one who lives with me. My pain and disappointments are not letting me be the mom that I always wanted to be and was prior to my deportation.

   August 3rd is going to be one year since I came back to the country that I was born in and I am still mentally in the same position that I was in when I arrived. Why? Because I keep holding onto my pain and my suffering. I keep asking God why me? I keep asking everyone that I trust, the same question. Hoping someone will give me an answer that will satisfy me and make me feel better.  I recently asked my husband this question. Why this happened to me? his answer was, why not? It was the best answer anyone has given me so far! 

   My oldest child helped me see that I have become a negative, toxic person. I couldn’t see it.  She recently came with my husband to visit. She told me. “Mom it is time for you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Keep doing things to go back, but at the same time try to move on, find your strength. You are a strong woman, I know that.” 

  She left two days ago with my little one.  We promised each other to be strong and be positive.  I didn’t want my little one to leave me- even temporary,  but she wanted to go see her dog and her friends. I understood it and while she is gone, I am trying to organize my thoughts, my goals, and my life,  at the same time that I am trying to find the strength to keep going!



Photo 2

Thank you for reading my blog, and thanks to my new friend Felipe Rodriguez ( another deportee, Instagram: feliperodriguez1967) for taking this beautiful picture!









Author: Alejandra Juarez

Wife of combat veteran deported to Mexico on August 3, 2018, with no criminal record after 22 years in the U.S., marriage, and children. Starting over. This is my story of hope after deportation. I hope by hearing my story as I'm healing and starting over, if you are going through something similar, you can know that just because you're being deported, your life is not over.

9 thoughts on “No more asking why me!”

  1. I just found your Blog, and I am most pleased that I did. First off, I am deeply sorry for the despicable treatment that you and your entire family have had to endure. Secondly, I am very happy to read in your latest post that you are seeking to take the higher ground! Though I’ve not been in your particular situation, I’ve seen my share of the “unfairness” the world and our government of the United States throws upon its people. Like your husband, I to served in the Marines with honor. However, upon exiting the Corps back in 81, I encountered many things that seemed flatly unjust, and the more I studied the actions of my countries government, regarding military actions overseas, the more I became angry and withdrawn. I, as you, found that I had to give up that fruitless mindset and focus on how I was going to improve my lot in life under my own power. Forgiveness of those I felt aggrieved by was the first order of business, and was by far the hardest obstacle I’ve encountered. The Corps had taught me well how to endure all manner of hardships and subdue most any obstacle. I relied heavily on that mindset training to gain mastery of forgiveness. I finally learned that forgiveness is about seeking my own inner peace. It is not saying that what was done was right, but simply that I forgive those trespasses as God has forgiven me mine.
    I am including a link to website and woman, Eva Mozes Kor, that I believe you will find most inspiring. At least I hope so. I know I learned a lot by reading her story as a holocaust survivor that now advocates for Forgiveness of her NAZI captors. It is a harrowing story, but her courage to save herself is highly inspirational and educational.
    May God Bless you and keep you in His Holy Spirit.
    Mark Douglas

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading my blog Mr. Douglas. I like very much what you wrote. Yes forgiveness is a gift to us not to the people that have hurt us. It’s part of moving on and mostly it beneficial to our mental health. I will definitely read Eva’s story. May God all merciful bless you as well!


    1. Hi Rafael. Thank you for reading my blog. I honestly don’t know. I haven’t ask him because I am afraid to hear an answer that may not like. This I can’t tell you though, he will not vote for him again.


  2. Much love to you… and good for you for for deciding to not ask why…. that is a tough one. It will probably become clear later…when you are back in the U.S. Which you WILL be… we just don’t know when…


  3. Wishing you the best and please know that most American’s are with you. These are trying times and honestly everyday seems worse that the one before. I can only hope that the world wakes up to what is going on.. I am disgusted about the way you were treated please know that decent people stand with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Eileen for reading my blog. I know that a lot Americans are good people and stand by what it’s right. My hope is that on elections day things will change and that one day, hopefully no to far I can go back to my home in Florida.


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