Once again, I had a hard time finding what was I going to write about. So many things have happened to me over the last weeks, some good and lots of bad.
I realized that I had to let go of my pain and the grouches I can’t keep holding onto something that I can’t change right now. It is very damaging for me and my little one who lives with me. My pain and disappointments are not letting me be the mom that I always wanted to be and was prior to my deportation.
August 3rd is going to be one year since I came back to the country that I was born in and I am still mentally in the same position that I was in when I arrived. Why? Because I keep holding onto my pain and my suffering. I keep asking God why me? I keep asking everyone that I trust, the same question. Hoping someone will give me an answer that will satisfy me and make me feel better. I recently asked my husband this question. Why this happened to me? his answer was, why not? It was the best answer anyone has given me so far!
My oldest child helped me see that I have become a negative, toxic person. I couldn’t see it. She recently came with my husband to visit. She told me. “Mom it is time for you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Keep doing things to go back, but at the same time try to move on, find your strength. You are a strong woman, I know that.”
She left two days ago with my little one. We promised each other to be strong and be positive. I didn’t want my little one to leave me- even temporary, but she wanted to go see her dog and her friends. I understood it and while she is gone, I am trying to organize my thoughts, my goals, and my life, at the same time that I am trying to find the strength to keep going!
Thank you for reading my blog, and thanks to my new friend Felipe Rodriguez ( another deportee, Instagram: feliperodriguez1967) for taking this beautiful picture!